Practical Romantic Pillows

'Yes, I will marry you, Bob. I've decided I'd like having something to fall back on if my career tanks.'

'Marry me and I'll let you share my electric blanket!'

'This year I'm celebrating Valentines Day by myself, I have to economize.'

'Will you marry me and at the same time agree to take out divorce insurance?'

"Emily, I want you to be the mother who hires the nanny of my children."

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

Say it with flowers

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Rude Snowpeople

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'Shuck me.'

Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm giving my baby a bottle.

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

"Well, hello there yourself!"

Cupid

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

'Will you marry me if I can get funding?'

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"You never chase me through back yards anymore."

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Why would I care if you're not a pure breed? That's a human concern! Sure, I'll go out with you tonight..."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

I Drew a Hot Guy

"I appreciate couples therapy, but I can't stop fantasizing about group therapy."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"He stowed his own bag, closed the bin, buckled his seat belt, then watched the whole safety demo...it was love at first flight!"