Romantic Sparker Pillows

"I know you don't really eat candy, so, it's empty."

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'Get an afterlife!'

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

Mergers or acquisitions.

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"But gosh, Ursula, together we'd be exactly what every major advertiser is trying to reach."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"And you're telling me this because?"

'Love what you've done with your hair.'

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"He stowed his own bag, closed the bin, buckled his seat belt, then watched the whole safety demo...it was love at first flight!"

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

'I'm thinking merger.'

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

'Quick Betty, come round to the Red Lion and wear your highest heels.'

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'