Romantic Idealists Gifts

'Whenever he puts me up on a pedestal, I get nosebleeds.'

"I'd feel safer if you were an ex-marine with a gun collection."

"You're right. This is better than sex."

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

Robert Macaire recieving expensive gifts from his love

She wanted a real man, but kept dating the blow-up kind,

"When the guy is old enough to know how to write beautiful love letters he is way too old for you."

Life is for the birds.

Macho Marriage Bureau,

"'Shake well. Settling is normal.' I feel better and I haven't even taken it."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Reginald Bunthorne

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

Marriage least expected to last...

Caveman has a good idea for the wheel.

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

When two philosophers date. So

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

A Zircon Is Forever

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Unconditional Loveseat

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"