Romantic Comedic Fan Pillows

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Vlad the Impala

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"Call me?"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"First date hairball... awkward."