Romantic Cheapskate Gifts

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Say it with flowers

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Sod orf, midges...

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

'I'm not trying to be romantic. I've had my electricity cut off.'

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

In every port a portal

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

"Oh, that's my Uncle Walter. He wanted his head cryogenically frozen, but it was way too expensive!"

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."

"Well, well, well! If it isn't hanky and panky!"

Thrift: Get back at the mafia and eat the free horse's head.

Shaving Blades

"They've used a first class stamp!... Do we know any lottery jackpot winners?"