Romantic Advisor Gifts

Safe sex.

"I do like Martin. For a nice, wishy-washy, passive-aggressive guy, he's great!"

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

'Is your girlfriend still playing hard-to-get?', 'No -- now she's playing keep-away.'

The Ladies' Man guide to getting the perfect gift.

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"My computer just texted me."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Hollywood Breakup

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

Complaints departement for men and women.

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I THINK I've got an app for that!"