Role Change Gifts

"We can still be friends, Roger. I just don't want you to be one of my vice-presidents anymore."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Dog walking Human.

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

Office meeting

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"It's all a matter of planning...."