Rocking The Stock Market Gifts

'Yes sir, both your precious metal and heavy metal investments are doing well.'

Wall St. or True Love.

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"Stocks were bipolar today as delirious euphoria gave way to abject despair and back again."

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

Tesla Shares Tanking Into Swastika

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

It was a day of nosebleeds, stomach upset and right here, Dindley did a back-flip off his chair!

Animal worries.

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

Finance piracy

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

"This one is very popular one. Ben Bernanke repeating over and over, 'the economy is going to be okay'."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'Please, Thornycroft, no more bursting bubbles! Daddy just played the stock market!'

"The next song was inspired by thousands of other songs."

Fuzz - Max almost chokes on his own vomit.

Got anything for the small investor?

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

Bris

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

When Rock Bands Comply with Health and Safety Rules.

"Liquidity is when you wake up one day to see your pension pot has vanished, then you wet yourself."

'You call yourself a full-service broker? Where are the danish and muffins?'

"Last week I saved $20 on a tank of gas and lost $20,000 in the stock market!"

Gorilla investment tactics.

"I'm worried about US jobs - especially mine."

'Before we discuss the status of your investment portfolio, do either of you have a heart condition?'

My next song is for all of you with unbalanced portfolios...

Noddy Holder

'Courage, my boy - stocks don't cry when they fall!'

These two pictures show my dad's work at the Stock Exchange....