Rock Star Gifts

'Dude, I've been in this band for over an hour now, and I haven't seen one groupie. Maybe punk rock is dead.'

Rod Stewart

'Cause I'm a cowboy in a steel pen I hiiiiide and I'm wanted grilled or stir-friiiiied!'

"And this is Brother Elvis."

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'Actually, I became a violent, obscene rock star because I wanted to help people.'

"A reunion tour sounds good. Assuming we can afford the extra bus to haul your medication."

Jimi Hendrix Picks A Guitar

"I have a lot in common with Cliff Richard. Same birthday, same age..."

After leaving the monastery, which one of these guys invented rock 'n' roll?

'I knew it was time to do something when I leapt from the stage to do some body surfing and the crowd parted.'

"You'll just have to take our word for it that these backstage passes were really awesome thirty years ago."

Band Aid-style rock stars wear T-shirts that read : 'Feed my ego'.

'Heavy Metal or not, I'm your mother! One bad word, and I'm going to wash out your mouth with this bar of soap'!

Marilyn Mason.

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

Natural Disaster This Way...

'I don't know about you lot but I've just played Proud Mary.'

Dead rock star plays loud music in heaven

'Was it good for you, babe?'

"The Who used to smash up their instruments after their shows — have you ever considered that?"

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

Keith Richards

Practicing the C major scale in 6 positions.

"Man, this band used to be about the Likes! The Shares! The Comments!"

Drugs and Rock & Roll

"I have two children by a previous tour."

"Nope. No mistake. You’ve been booked... forever."

"Ever get the feeling you're in the wrong army?"

"A five, six, seven, eight, Mooooom!"

A rock guitarist plays.

'Sniff, you moron, sniff!'

Bop, Bop, Shawaddy, Wop.

"Sorry, but the show is over. We smashed too many guitars and ran out."