Rival Destroyer Pillows

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'My app just ate your widget.'

"Jones ... don't use that 'I'm only human' excuse with me again!"

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

Oh, stop trying to impress the witness with all your fancy legal mumbo jumbo, your honor. I saw her first!

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

You throw poop like a girl.

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

Eggnog recipes

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

He's mad that the neighbors got a bigger cloud.

'It looks like I'm finally going to break 70.. this is my 69th club I've broken.'

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

Michael Grade

"They say jogging is the top sport today..."

"Believe me, with the Equalizer, here, you'll never take any crap from an S.U.V. again."

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

"Why do you always have to make everything a competition?"

'Slowly destroying the planet will help weaken our competition.'

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling

'Prepare to have chowder kick your Tuscan butt.'

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy

"Watch out for his divine right, Kid."

"I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself."

"At least you're a good loser, John."