Rival Destroyer Pillows

"Did you hear? Melinda Alvarez, the smartest girl in school, made an ice cream machine for her science project and then shared it with all her teachers! What did you make, Gracie?"

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'My app just ate your widget.'

"Jones ... don't use that 'I'm only human' excuse with me again!"

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

Eggnog recipes

"It's not winning I enjoy so much. It's beating you."

"You heard the lady, buddy - she already has legal representation!"

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

"Believe me, with the Equalizer, here, you'll never take any crap from an S.U.V. again."

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

'It looks like I'm finally going to break 70.. this is my 69th club I've broken.'

"They say jogging is the top sport today..."

'It tasted nice until you told me she cooked it!'

"Why do you always have to make everything a competition?"

"Watch out for his divine right, Kid."

"I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself."

Mr. Tappertit's jealousy

'Slowly destroying the planet will help weaken our competition.'

'Prepare to have chowder kick your Tuscan butt.'

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling

"Me, I have a lot of respect for my human. He spends his days annoying the neighbourhood's dogs: he's a postman you see..."

"At least you're a good loser, John."