Network Rival Pillows

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Polygamists' Picnic

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"Still on your left."

'My app just ate your widget.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"Mom always liked you best."

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

"Pickleballers – one mile away."

'Do you have a Birthday card that smells - It's for my horrible little brother.'

'I don't mind hand-me-downs. I just wish my brother had played football.'

"I dislike you both the same."

"Gracie, no matter how smart-pants you are...I still love you."

Eggnog recipes

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

Measuring a girl's height.

'Yeah? Well my personal trainer can beat up your personal trainer!'

'Mom! Make him stop! -- he's trying to sell my dolls on eBay!'