Network Rival T-Shirts

Michael Grade

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Polygamists' Picnic

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"Still on your left."

'My app just ate your widget.'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

Trick Number 9: plant valuables in his room...in case you need a reason for a quick getaway.

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

'Darling, didn't you hear? Black is the new black.'

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

"Mom always liked you best."

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

Monica Seles

"Gracie, no matter how smart-pants you are...I still love you."

"I dislike you both the same."

'Do you have a Birthday card that smells - It's for my horrible little brother.'

Eggnog recipes

'I don't mind hand-me-downs. I just wish my brother had played football.'

"Pickleballers – one mile away."

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

"Now I want a clean fight and no head butting."

Measuring a girl's height.

'Yeah? Well my personal trainer can beat up your personal trainer!'