Risk-averse Philosopher Gifts

Hard Work Never Killed Anybody - But why take the risk??

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

"I want to tell her I love her and let her know I'm careful with money."

'Maybe hard work 'never killed anyone' but why take the risk?'

Handy chart

Analog Alzheimer - Digital Dementia

'I'm not paying $200 per hour for therapy, so you must be the one who's nuts.'

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

When they said more people were choosing to holiday at home I think they meant in the UK

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

Very sad piggy bank

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

"I don't believe you're a minimalist I think you're just mean."

"Why are you typing your own letters?"

"Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?"

"What's the secret of your longevity, Grampa?" "I guess it's because I was just never that curious about anything."

"How come we never go out anymore and spend money we don't have?"

'Uncle, we need to up our prices, sand is getting scarce.'

"I resent having to pay for my parents 'baby boomer' pensions, pensions that I'll never be able to afford."

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

'Your financial statements indicate to my trained eye that your tolerance for risk is low.'

'I totally understand your extreme risk-aversion. Now hand over your mattress and let's slip into some comfy corporate bonds.'

'One is for me, and one is for my 401 (k).'

A shadow government uses religion and politics to control we the people as pawns.