Risk-averse Lover Gifts

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Wall St. or True Love.

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

"I know it's a big risk, Fred, but don't lose sight of its strongest selling point: You're taking it, not me!"

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'Here's to being in love, in a hurry, and in debt.'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"After thoroughly researching all the details, I think we can now safely throw caution to the wind..."

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

Church Drive-Thru.

'Maybe hard work 'never killed anyone' but why take the risk?'

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

Lovers' Leap

'I'm screwed...'

'My accounts aren't insured, but it's the risk I take for higher interest rates.'

'I'm the bride's ex boyfriend. Before she says yes, can I just tell her that I've just won the lottery jackpot?!'

'Should I buy or sell?'