Right-wing Pundit Fan Gifts

Rush Limbaugh, Balloon Boy.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

"I'm after the history section."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

"It's a baby. Federal regulations prohibit our mentioning its race, age, or gender."

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

News remote

Non discrimination to Vampires

"Why 'Black Death'? Why not 'rodent-related'?"

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

'I'm sorry Sir, no menus...there is concern that choice might be mistaken for discrimination.'

Voice of the GOP

How are my Lies, Distortions, Mud-Slinging? 1-800 Politics.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

Trump

'To avoid lawsuits, tonight's news will not name names.'

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

With some regularity, loony old Uncle Mort rants about his political theories and blatherings. Today: His long-winded theory about the debt-ceiling negotiations. Feel free to nod off … It's the escalation of a religious war in this country. I'm listening, sort of. Those of us who believe in the role of government believe that mankind can improve our lot through innovation, investment, science. But those who oppose government essentially believe that our fate lies with God. Wake up, I'm pontifica

"Like many in your field, you will end up in Congress."

'He prefers smoking cash to injecting it.'

Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae.

"We may go vegan in the cafeteria."

"I don't like the term 'Stone Age'. I prefer 'Prequel'."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out James Carville?'

"From now on it will be God, the Holy Non binary, God the Holy Cisgender and God the..."

Faith Based

I Scream

"Great stuff, but here's an idea: what if it's an old white man?"

"Hillary Clinton feels that sinners stigmatises people, so from now on, we're to call you service users."

"Have you ever met an Inuk, Sadie?"