Rig Humorist Gifts

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

Satya Nutella

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Cash Machines From Across the Land

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'We have what might be a very good idea...'