Rhyming Wizard Pillows

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Backfire

"Home depot."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Newt sale

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

'He will observe your text now...'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

Two love poems in swimming pool. Shallow end and deep end.

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

Poetry Buff.

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"Great moments in songwriting" "What if she had a little lamb?" "Maybe it follows her to school?" "Wouldn't that make the children laugh?" "Exactly."

Wordplay: Lemonade - Save the Lemon.

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

"I'd just as soon it wasn't cut into those funny little pieces, if you don't mind."

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

"The madness started with the cow and spread to the others."

The Keyboard

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Poet

'All the characters in my novels are based on real people, for example the fat useless waster in my last one was you!'