Reverend Gifts

Rev. Bob, The Realist: '...You may now go from adoring to criticizing each other.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

'Herbert changes churches so often that we decided to skip the packing and unpacking stages.'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Vicar with a cross on his cycle helmet

"He knows what you did in Las Vegas."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Just because the preacher is from Alabama doesn't mean he's speaking in tongues."

"I don't think you're really entering into the spirit of this baptism." (Minister to man wearing waders and waterproofs with umbrella).

'With the possible exception of my husband, we all enjoyed your sermon, Reverend.'

Welsh airport arrivals.

Preaching to the inverted.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"We seem to be getting away from the separation of church and state."

"I know he's in here somewhere!"

"Good sermon, Reverend, but all that God stuff was pretty far-fetched."

Two boys fishing in a river.

"Experience!"

"Well, Rachel... I suppose you could say that Moses downloaded the commandments from the cloud."

'All the tellers are nuns.'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

'Beware of the Dogma.'

'No, I haven't heard the score of the football game.'

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

"Do you promise to love, honor and not share each other's personal data on social media?"

"As an ex-priest, I'm having a hard time adjusting to these non-cathedral ceilings."

"Thank you, Reverend, your sermon has me super-excited about croaking."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Henry is a night person."