Return Connoisseur T-Shirts

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

Moliere

Bleak House

C Day Lewis.

Charles Dickens.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

Pizza and Related Searches.

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

Sock Without Partners Sock Hop

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

Employee Benefits

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

"Bargain hunters!"

"Here's a blues number I wrote anout paying my dues with the cash back I got on my platinum card."

"Nice abs!"

War And Peace?/The Catcher in the Rye?/Citizen Kane?/Jaws?