Retro Therapy Seeker T-Shirts

'We relieved stress the old fashioned ways... slamming down a real telephone, stealing reams of carbon paper, sniffing white correction fluid...'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Pet a Puppy

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'I hate Mondays.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

The Physiciatrist...

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Pop Culture for Teens

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'I hate all holidays!'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

Turmoil change.

George Michael

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

Dr. Kapuchnik, I feel like there are powerful, sinister, unseen forces conspiring to do me harm, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Does this condition have a name? It's called April 15th, Al. Tax day.

Psychiatry in the Park

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'