Retro Relics Appreciator Pillows

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Long before the GPS, traveling humans found their way around by using an Atlas.

An old man wearing a band t-shirt

Snapshots in Time

"Call Harris back from retirement and ask him how we did things around here before computers."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

"Your antique gold watch didn't float."

Baby car seat for a Native American.

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

Phone Call

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

"Careful now. It's fragile."

Retro Fashions door sign reads 'Out to lunch -back before you know it.'

Painting the Sistine Chapel. 1508. 1509. 1510. 1511. 1512. It looks great, Michelangelo, but there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't you just paint it in the regular way and then mount it on the ceiling?

'Hey, we're in style!'

"Carbon paper? Typewriter ribbon? An ashtray? After your retirement, have you considered opening a museum?"

'Sorry, guys. I can't go out. I'm grounded.'

boy listening to ghetto blaster on his shoulder

'You want me to be more like I was when we were first married? OK, I'll put away the remote and change it manually.'

'Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be...'

'Judging by that old fashioned light bulb, your idea must be outdated.'

Michelangelo's David

"At the 2008 Olympics, Henry Cejudo became the youngest American to win a wrestling gold medal. His mother taught him that desire can trump despair. And then she taught him how to escape her chicken-wing armlock."

'I'm very proud of what he achieved during his life.'

Dueling marionettes.

"I don't know who on Facebook told you, but I can assure you Stradivarius didn't make accordions!"

"If only these kids had grown up with the same role models we had, then maybe they wouldn't look so damn ridiculous!"

Any old Gold - 'There's a man ahead of his time'

The Shape of Progress.

"Students, for Hispanic heritage month, I've ordered tasty pork tamales for everyone!"