Retro Relic Appreciator Pillows

"No, the video isn't in slo-mo. That's the speed your granddad and I actually walk."

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

An old man wearing a band t-shirt

Pandora's Change Purse...

Snapshots in Time

"I thought I'd add a punch line."

"Call Harris back from retirement and ask him how we did things around here before computers."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

Sistine murder

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Baby car seat for a Native American.

"I'm on the haywain."

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

"It's a student you taught 20 years ago asking if you'd loan him bail money!"

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

Phone Call

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

"Careful now. It's fragile."

"When I was your age, a crackpot carried a 'The End Is Near' sign. He didn't tweet it."

'Hey, we're in style!'

Jesus with mobile.

"Long time no see!"

Dueling marionettes.

"I'll miss you, Grandpa."