Retreat Planner Gifts

"The good news is that all the teachers loved the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that a dozen of them are out today, with splitting headaches."

'The management retreat was a mistake. None of our staff want to come back.'

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'Are we broke yet?'

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"Actually, I hear my boss. I'm on a working vacation."

"Don't blame me, you're the one who suggested an island-hopping holiday!"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"It looks brighter over there!"

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

"If we'd gone South for the winter, we'd be back by now."

Vacation Time: Hither, Thither, Yon.

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

"Shall I buy you a manual typewriter and break your legs?"

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'You know your problem, Harlan? You need to get in touch with your 'inner beach bum'.'

"Every summer I regret having used up all my vacation days in January."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

"Make a note, Ellen—one Speedo, size 54."

"Check our website sir. It clearly says bed in breakfast."

'We leave for France tomorrow. I just can't wait to visit all those famous museum gift shops!'

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"I predict six more weeks of winter...But I'm sure we'll tough it out."