Retirement Savings Pillows

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

'Now remember, it is never too soon to start thinking about a pension.'

"Great! According to this pension calculator, I'll only have to work an extra sixty hours a week to survive in retirement!"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

British savings accounts

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

A little something aside for a rainy day

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"I just..."

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"