Saving For Retirement Pillows

Retirement Planning. Forget a 401K plan. What your account needs is a 911 plan.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"I just..."