Rethinking Lifestyle Gifts

"I was going to retire, but the thought of spending more time with my family changed my mind."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

Cat in a flap

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Trust

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

Macho Vegetarian

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'