Rethinking Lifestyle Pillows

"I was going to retire, but the thought of spending more time with my family changed my mind."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

Cat in a flap

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Trust

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Macho Vegetarian

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"You won’t need refills."

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'