Retail Radicals Pillows

'That's right...nothing but big chain...'

Hate Platforms

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Pirates at the mall.

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Ooh look, the high street's evolved to survive!"

Brick and Mortar

"Returns"

Sold It All.

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

Crazy Ed's Warehouse - body in freezer - "Nobody beats our prices and gets away with it."

"Any chance of some credit?"

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

Complaints (just kidding).

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

"Look's like a dummy run to me!"

'Good heavens, Margaret, the bailout was for wall street, not for you.'

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

"Mr. Rod gave me my employee review. He said I totally 'meet expectations'."

"Mind wiping that scanner first? There's no telling whose stuff has been dragged over it."

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

'As many items as I want or no customer!'