Retail Assistant T-Shirts

'This is your global positioning system. Turn right at the next light. The first store on your left has a sale on shoes.'

"See? One size fits all!"

"Do you keep stationery here?"

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

'I want to buy a self help eBook. Can you help me to download it to my eBook reader?'

Shop assistant watches a woman trying many shoes in shoe shop.

"I need a card that says, 'You were right' without saying 'I was wrong'."

"Would you mind telling me what customers who bought this item also bought?"

'Here's the sale coupon that says 'two for one' so you don't overcharge us.'

How do you like the new suit?

'Perhaps madam would try these on? - They look a better fit!'

Mrs. Brown goes window shopping.

'Customers, Felcher, prefer not being addressed as 'bloated, consumerist parasites.''

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

"Stop 'Madaming' me!"

"He's about my height but he doesn't have my build."

Bob tries to cash in on Hollywood's success.

"You'll be wanting packet openers: scissors, sharp knife, dynamite?"

"This tie is too tight...!"

"Now, this little scarf is just to give you that completely dressed feeling."

"I'm looking for a clock."

"I hate the first day of the sales returns."

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Please stop messing around with the Feng Shui section..!"

"Ask me about mazes."

"Where might we find your tiger balm."

"It is a nice tie, but it's mine."

"Attention, Kmart employees."

"I sleep on my side, but I pass out on my stomach."

Staff picks

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"Legal supplies? That would be aisle nine, article six, subsection G."

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

Hanson's Tooth Picks

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'