Resume Writer's Block Sufferer Pillows

'When I said I wanted to see how he coped with the 'unexpected', I meant a tricky question!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Tweaking the CV.

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Have you got a resume?'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"I hope you realise that you'll be starting at the bottom."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'