Resume Rendition Artist Pillows

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm sending it around the office as we speak.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Resume Dumpers

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'You're hired. Go figure.'

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

'My resume,...in rap form!'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

"There appears to be some discrepancies between your C.V. and your Wikipedia entry."

'So one of your hobbies is lying, how do I know you're not telling the truth?'

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

'But you got a second interview, that's something.'

'... and I especially like this attribute... 'an immigrant's work ethic'.'

"Your resume was good, up until the point where you said, 'Don't make me beg.'"

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

Welcome to the job market