Resume Perfectionist Pillows

'Yes, I received your resume that you emailed. I ran a fact check and I was wondering if you know that a half truth is a whole lie.'

"I see from your resume you spent fore years at bizness skool."

'Looks like your spell check was turned off when you prepared your resume.'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

"You're overqualified. Could you dumb it down a little?"

Need a pair of pants.

'So, tell me about your biggest weakness...for example, wanting to be paid money.'

"You may be over qualified."

'I see from your resume, that you have lost two jobs due to tardiness.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

Do you have any other skills?

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

Personnel: 'First of all, there's no 'Y' in resume...'

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

"This is quite an impressive resume. Any chance I can work for you?"

Rejected resumes.

"We are looking for some new blood, but with the same experience as the old blood."

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

"I recently upgraded my resume-writing software."

'Sorry to disappoint you, but being a self-confessed 'lazy bastard'...'

"On the contrary. For this position we're looking for someone who can think 'inside the box'."

"I take it we didn't give you enough time to prepare for this interview."

"Last question...where do you see yourself in 30 minutes? Because I'm calling you a cab."

"What a well-written resume! I could use someone like you to write our job dismissal letters."

The most important part of your job application. Font selection.

"Question one. Would you hire you?"

"Your resume shows you may have a future in our fiction department."

"Being the best person in the known universe at doing the job isn't enough without the appropriate qualifications."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"It's an interview, we don't do do-overs."

"I was thinking about going into politics... but I've got qualifications."

"Can you start the interview without me? I'll be in as soon as I finish my resume."