Resume Embellishers Pillows

Welcome. National Association of People Padding their Resumes with National Associations. And I think you'll agree, our pointless seminars have some really great titles this year!

'Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'You're hired. Go figure.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."