Resume Buff Pillows

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'I see from your CV you're all things to all men.'

'You're hired. Go figure.'

"Any other skills."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

Make sure your CV stands out for the right reasons, and not the wrong ones.

'Eileen, it says on your resume that you are good at multi-tasking. Can you elaborate on that for me?

'You would be perfect for the job if you were the person described on your resume.'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

Welcome to the job market

'Very impressive. If we ever need an arm wrestler, we'll be sure to give you a call.'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'So one of your hobbies is lying, how do I know you're not telling the truth?'

I expected a little more than 'smarter than he looks'!

"Overqualified? But my resume is 100% fake news!"

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

'Good a way as any to separate the applications.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

A fight in the Boardroom.

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"What's a debenture?"

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."