Resume Exaggerators Pillows

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"Very impressive references... I didn't know the Pope ran a digital marketing agency."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'You're hired. Go figure.'

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'So one of your hobbies is lying, how do I know you're not telling the truth?'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Fish Story

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

Welcome to the job market

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

'Good a way as any to separate the applications.'

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

Make sure your CV stands out for the right reasons, and not the wrong ones.

'Very impressive. If we ever need an arm wrestler, we'll be sure to give you a call.'

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

"We do appreciate imagination as a quality in candidates, but not when it comes to your qualifications."