Resume Exaggerators Pillows

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"Very impressive references... I didn't know the Pope ran a digital marketing agency."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'You're hired. Go figure.'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Welcome. National Association of People Padding their Resumes with National Associations. And I think you'll agree, our pointless seminars have some really great titles this year!

'So one of your hobbies is lying, how do I know you're not telling the truth?'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Fish Story

"Come check this out, Doris! I think our mouse trap finally caught a mouse!"

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

Welcome to the job market

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

'Good a way as any to separate the applications.'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

Make sure your CV stands out for the right reasons, and not the wrong ones.

'Eileen, it says on your resume that you are good at multi-tasking. Can you elaborate on that for me?

"236 million deliveries in one night. When can you start?"

'Very impressive. If we ever need an arm wrestler, we'll be sure to give you a call.'