Resume Exaggerator Pillows

"Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

Fishing Tales

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Alarmistclock

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

'...and that's the one that got away!'

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Welcome. National Association of People Padding their Resumes with National Associations. And I think you'll agree, our pointless seminars have some really great titles this year!

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

Fish Story

"Come check this out, Doris! I think our mouse trap finally caught a mouse!"

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

"We do appreciate imagination as a quality in candidates, but not when it comes to your qualifications."

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

'Judging from your resume, you must have received an A in creative writing.'

'Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for.'

'I must say, your resume is the finest piece of creative fiction to ever cross my desk.'

"When Dennis gets a cold everyone has to know about it"

"Hard work, determination, success!"

'You were featured on Rogue Traders'