Resume Exaggerator Pillows

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

Fishing Tales

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Alarmistclock

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

'...and that's the one that got away!'

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Fish Story

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

'Judging from your resume, you must have received an A in creative writing.'

"We do appreciate imagination as a quality in candidates, but not when it comes to your qualifications."

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

'I must say, your resume is the finest piece of creative fiction to ever cross my desk.'

"When Dennis gets a cold everyone has to know about it"

"Hard work, determination, success!"

'You were featured on Rogue Traders'

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."