Habitual Exaggerator Pillows

"Remember my teacher made the class write a report about their parents? Well, to make it more interesting, I got 'creative' with the facts."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Fish Story

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

"Okay. It's a balloon. Get over it."

Fishing Stories

"Hard work, determination, success!"

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"I said it was INSPIRED by a true story."

'I can tell this fish story just fine by myself, man's best friend.'

"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."

"You heard right, mom...the boss made me his plant manager!"

"Together they were a 15-pounder."

"Very impressive references... I didn't know the Pope ran a digital marketing agency."

"And Tim is doing very well. He's a media distribution officer."

'What accounts for my prolific output as a political pundit? They pay me by the word.'