Habitual Exaggerator Prints

"Remember my teacher made the class write a report about their parents? Well, to make it more interesting, I got 'creative' with the facts."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Fish Story

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"Come check this out, Doris! I think our mouse trap finally caught a mouse!"

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'This infestation is far more serious than I was anticipating.'

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"Okay. It's a balloon. Get over it."

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

Fishing Stories

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

"Hard work, determination, success!"

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"I said it was INSPIRED by a true story."

'I can tell this fish story just fine by myself, man's best friend.'

"You heard right, mom...the boss made me his plant manager!"

"Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for."

"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."

"Together they were a 15-pounder."

"Very impressive references... I didn't know the Pope ran a digital marketing agency."

'What accounts for my prolific output as a political pundit? They pay me by the word.'