Profile Exaggerator Prints

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

Fishing Tales

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Alarmistclock

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

An exaggeration of estate agents

'...and that's the one that got away!'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"Come check this out, Doris! I think our mouse trap finally caught a mouse!"

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

Fish Story

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

Henry Moore

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"Okay. It's a balloon. Get over it."

"Hard work, determination, success!"

'You were featured on Rogue Traders'

"When Dennis gets a cold everyone has to know about it"

"I said it was INSPIRED by a true story."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."

"Tell me again the name of the professional basketball team you played for."

"You heard right, mom...the boss made me his plant manager!"