Resume Critique Champion Pillows

"I see from your resume that you lost your last job due to habitual lateness."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I think I gained weight because of the heavy reading Mr. Klacken assigns us."

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

The tough job market is proving to be time consuming. I receive thousands of resumes each week and shredding them takes up too much time

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

"Sorry, I'm looking for someone with a twinkle in the eye."

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

'You have an online degree from the college of hard knocks'

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"You resume states, 'My only good quality is I purr'. Could you go into that a little more?"

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.