Restroom Conversationalist Gifts

What really goes on in the bathroom.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

'Where toilet?.' 'Toilet lady graphic sign.'

(No caption. Astronaut on the the moon looks at an outhouse with a picture of the Earth where the crescent moon would be.)

A couple with dog look at restroom signs of a man, a woman, and a fire hydrant.

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

Restroom in the stadium has goal toilet fresheners.

'I came for the $1.99 seafood buffet--I'm staying for the restrooms.'

I'm beginning to think that my wit and Erudition is wasted on you

"Your desk is in here now. After all, it's where you spend most of the working day!"

'I'd give it five minutes if I were you'

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

Toilet door. Table for one!

Toilets of Tuscany Tour

"I’ll be back — I just have to pee for 90 minutes."

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

Man wetting himself in a toilet queue.

'Sorry buddy, this one's taken.'

Hell's Restrooms.

Men on modernised moon

"Do you mind?"

Express line 15 seconds or less.

Hey, little buddy. How's it going in there? You fall in? Occupied! I know it's occupied, little buddy. We all know. It's been occupied for 30 minutes. There's a long line out here. I said "occupied!" When a person says "occupied" from in here, that's supposed to buy another 10 minutes at least. "Occupied" is not a magic word, little buddy. Inhabited! That neither. We're all still here.

Man uses encyclopaedia to try to decipher trendy signs for toilets in pub: pens and cobs

"Look, lady, I'm just tryin to do my job...so lift your feet!"

Toilet 'Thinking Area.'

"Joey...I need you spending more time helping customers."

Yin Yang bathrooms.

Hand Drier