Restaurant Rogue Pillows

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"Delicious Special Seasoning? Oh... That's probably just the cook's dandruff."

'Could you hurry up on that order for table five? -- they're holding the maitre d' hostage.'

"Will someone close that alley door!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...