Restaurant Rater Pillows

"Is a 'Five Turds' rating a good thing or a bad thing?"

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Fast food. Even faster food

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Today's special... donuts.

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"This is our soft opening."