Restaurant Escapade Fan Pillows

'I'll have the dessert list and he'll have the Heimlich maneuver.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

I love Cannelloni

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Shall I let them breathe."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

"Yes I know I ordered fresh crab but..."

"At ease!"

"Can we get some more bread crumbs please?"

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

At the Lobster Mill, every night is an open casket.

'Shall I bring two children's meals, or will Madam regurgitate her own?'

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."