Responsible Drinker Gifts

"No more for me, thanks. I'm responsibly sauced."

A tourist inadvertently destroying the place he is visiting

Happy Hour

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

The drinker.

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

'Single or double?'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

The professor had developed a product that would change the world forever.

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'I'm having what he's having.'

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"India ink, straight."

Global warming finally hits home. . .

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

'Give me a whisky without ice, we should all do our bit.'

"And a bag of peanuts."

Beefeater cocktail

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

'I drink so much alcohol I'm afraid to smoke!'

'I first became concerned when I noticed how much faster the ice was melting in my gin and tonic.'

"No, this isn't the liquor talking But I am a spokesperson for the liquor."