Resolution Tester Pillows

"I made a trial new year's resolution so I can test it out to see if it's something I can live with for a year.

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Mediation Process

Annual Mensa Convention: 'Ok, who's the genius who forgot to send out the invitations?'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

January Joiner

Graph to find your IQ

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

Good intentions last a month on average

New years resolutions

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"I'm delegating my New Years Resolutions, you'll be running a marathon in July!"

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'