Reserve Player Advocate Pillows

"No, I'm afraid being the reserve left back for Widdrington amative FC does not guarantee you to get one of the first testing kits."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'How can I get mad at him for sleeping on the job? It was I who told him that taking naps was healthy.'

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Stop with racism in sport!

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

Free Speech has heavy price.

Beijing 2022

'Forget it, Jeb. This see-saw is broken.'

Journalist in jail

"I wasn't hibernating. I was resting my eyes."

He can't come to the phone now. He's busy recharging his computer, his cell phone, himself...

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

It's from your private medical insurance.

No Nesting

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'How come I get two yellow cards?' - 'One for the foul and one for the instant reply.'

'Uh-oh, Ben's 'wired' again, I better cut down on his high protein dog food.'

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

'If it wasn't for Jim Jones we would have lost today. . . he's the umpire.'

Electoral College Football

Kids then. . & and now.

Spain trial for rigged soccer matches

'I have to convince him it's not going to ruin his macho image if he bunts.'