Rescue Mission Planner Gifts

Desert Island Rescue

'No fax paper? Ok, you'll have to ride for help.'

"Do I look like I need rescuing?"

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

Happy Hour

Bingo's Time Out - Part Three

'Arf! Arf!'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

Nesting dolls stranded on an island send out nesting bottles with messages in each of them.

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

Bingo's Time Out - Part Eight

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

St Bernard delivering teddy to avalanche victim

'Not likely - the last time I went in one of those, it sank!'

"Okay, haha, very funny, you guys. Now toss down the ladder."

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

"First save Mister chomp-chomp!"

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

The princess and the key

Tsunami Evac Route

'Ah, 'man's best friend' and it's brought by a dog.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Sorry, boss. . . Google also doesn't know where your missing person is. I have no idea where to look now. . ."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

Rain Forest Filmcrew

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

"Fire department? Yes, this is a cat and, well, big surprise here, I'm stuck in a tree... But here's the odd part—I am staring at no less than five other cats, all stuck in this same tree. So weird, huh?"

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

"Throw the rope!! It's a quicksandwich!!"

' I can't drink that..I'm a recovering alcoholic ! '

Man on desert island with a sail attached to two coconut trees.