Reptile Wrangler T-Shirts

Steve Irwin.

'I meant the other snake, Idiot!'

Snake Dress-Up

"He's normally not affectionate, but he has really taken a liking to you!2

'No, thanks. Mom. Allie's doing fine eating hamburger.'

Snakes By Post LTD

"Hello, dr. . . Yeth, I feel thick."

'What are we doing here? I thought only birds do this.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'Hey, I think that's him: alligator riding motorcycle, wearing goggles and a bandana - hold it- there's no bandana.'

'All right, spot, I've warned you for the last time about scaring Prissy!'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

'Could you please pass this down?'

'Frankly, I didn't want to bite him, but he kept poking at me with a stick...'

'He won't hurt you, he's only being friendly.'

'...and there's a bit more to come.'

Turtle timeouts. And when you think you can behave, I'll be back to flip you over. (Published originally on May 21, 2003.)

'When I was young I wanted to be a cowboy in a rattlesnake roundup. Fortuately, roundups are now banned here.'

'There is no way you're getting extra gator goodies now, pal!'

"This had better be good, kid!"

Jack Asp

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'Mercy, no, Mr Jackson, that's just Corky's way of saying hello.'

'He didn't buy us as pets, he bought us as pet-food: He has a snake!'

"You like my novelty draught excluder?? I don't have a novelty draught excluder."

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

The First Martian Dog.

"What did you download at school today?"

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'I'm here to fix your robotic milker.'

'How's my rabbit settling into his new home? He's still a bit jumpy!'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...