Reptile Breeder Pillows

'My keeper cares - I'm captive bred!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Football Chameleon

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'Play it again, Sam.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Giant reptiles use building as a pinata.

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Crocodile

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

Snake Eyes

Danth battle?

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

The Monitor is going to sleep.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Mom, there's good news and bad news. The good news is the cat won't be scratching up the furniture anymore. The bad news is... well, um...'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'