Reptile Breeder Pillows

'My keeper cares - I'm captive bred!'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

Football Chameleon

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'Play it again, Sam.'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

Crocodile

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Snake Eyes

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

The Monitor is going to sleep.

Danth battle?

'Mom, there's good news and bad news. The good news is the cat won't be scratching up the furniture anymore. The bad news is... well, um...'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."